Feeling really drained today, both physically and emotionally. Yesterday we went to Mike's grandfather's funeral. I had totally underestimated how much it would upset me, since dad dying. I got really emotional when the hearse arrived carrying the coffin, it may as well have been my dad. Then I felt so guilty that I wasn't being upset purely for Philip but actually for myself losing dad, and felt terribly selfish. I know that I was being empathetic to those feeling the same way as I had, like Mike's mum, but I suddenly felt so hollow and lonely about it all, it was awful. I know in time these sudden pangs will fade a little, but I will never stop missing my dad, even though I feel he is still with me.
As well as this, I'm still suffering with this cold, now with a cough that tickles everytime my head hits the pillow, so I haven't been sleeping so well. It makes me mad as all I want to do is get outside, to feel well and spring to arrive. I'm sure everyone feels similar at the end of winter.
Today my manure is being delivered to the allotment! I'm going down to 'receive' it, and am actually excited as it means the beginning of the growing season for me. Once it's in I can start planting things.
No comments:
Post a Comment